In recent events of last night, I now know going out to clubs is not for me...
I know this is not poetic, but it's honest, at the club sex is right there in your face. I thought maybe it would be a fun distraction (not sex rather dancing having a few drinks perhaps), but rather the event became even more of a reminder of how much I need to stay away from these types of places,and how much sexual desire has corrupted the beautiful person God created me to be. Not sexual desire in the general sense, there is a healthy place for it, but I can't seem to draw that line lately and as a result I have become very broken. I am disgusted by what I see from those around me, but what makes me any better? Last night just reinforced that I need God's pure and unending love even more than ever. I am lonely sometimes, but I shouldn't be. Somewhere deep in that silence there is a Heavenly Love whispering in my ear. I am His beloved child, who He made in his own image. Regardless of my scars and extra pounds... I am still his beautiful masterpiece. Why can't I see that? Why does it take an Adam to remind me that I am Eve, that I was made because it was not good that man be alone.
I was made because was a disorder in God's creation. That doesn't mean I need to go fit my rib into every man trying to find where I fit... Rather, I need to wait and stop. I'm starting a fast tonight. I've never done it before. I feel like last night was a wake up call. I don't want to be seen as just a body to use for pleasure. God gifted me with a mind and passion to write and sing for Him. I pray that He will awaken in me the pure and grant me patience. I'm waking up now finally...
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